self identity under capitalism

Is our identity just a cumulation of our favorite things?

My answer to this question is yes and no.

Last year I wrote in my notes app, “Our favorite things are our favorite things because we see a little bit of ourselves in it in some way or another. I think knowing what someone likes is one of the biggest insights into who they are. Why this song? Why this movie? How is this a reflection of you?”

I wrote this when I entered my first serious(ish) relationship in college. I had a few short talking phases but not a lot past surface level. I thought I wrote this because I was really liking someone and this felt like a big glimpse to them as a person and was obsessed with knowing more, but looking back maybe it was me wanting to have these questions asked about myself.

I look at my current favorite things and I can name a deeper reason for liking almost everything other than “it’s just cool.” Favorite movie? Perks of Being a Wallflower. I see a lot of myself in Charlie and Sam is the girl I want to be. Charlie yearning to be a part of a cool friend group, getting to know all of the little things about them (“he knows me, he really knows me,”) inevitably messing it up somehow, having episodes where you wish you could just stop crying. And then Sam, the cool yet esoteric girl who once was popular but left it, with big dreams and having her heart broken by older men.

Favorite book? Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton. Somehow says everything I have experienced as a girl and a woman in her early 20’s feeling like a failure even though my life has barely begun. I don’t think anyone has cared to know the reasons for things like this, which is why I try so hard to know it about them.

But then I think, without these things, what would I be? What would my personality be? How would I describe myself to someone without using tangible things or aspects of pop culture?

In my head I try to separate myself from everything and imagine myself with the life I have lived, but without all of the tangible things. Does that make any sense? As in, what is my personality without music, fashion, books, movies?

I believe art and creativity are a large part of me. I think in every universe, there will be a version of me who wants to create. To be able to contribute something to the world that has no necessary use or meaning other than to exist is one of the purposes I find in life. Removed from capitalism, I believe I would be able to enjoy these endeavors much more. No pressure to make things people like in order to sell them and capitalize off of every hobby. No pressure to make something beautiful or unique. Simply just the ability to listen to my creative compulsions and make what my brain tells me through how my hands translate it.

In the same vein of art, nature and beauty are intrinsically linked within me. The way the seasons change but we still find beauty in each of them, bird songs, bodies of water, the colors of flowers and the sound of rain. Every aspect of nature so intentional that there cannot be a flaw found within it. I think this trait boils down to my obsession with finding beauty in everything. What really is life if we can not admire the art that it is?

So yes. Maybe when we are meeting people and they ask about us we tell them our favorite color, book, song, and movie. But at the core of these, are reasonings for all of them which lie deeper inside of us. Our self identity and personality is not formed by capitalism, yet our identity can lead us to enjoy aspects of it since we are stuck here anyways. I do think it is important to analyze the reasons behind our own tastes as well as others, to better get a glimpse into who we really are as well as who we are surrounding ourselves around. Just because we don’t like all the same things, doesn’t mean that we don’t have the same reasons for liking what we do. I think we all might have the same feelings about life, just translated in different ways (:

-sadie <3